woes...

I will be heading to Johor Premium Outlet tomorrow and while reviews have been by and large not very promising and unfavorable, I still hold on to the hope of scoring some cool bargains. I am mostly looking forward to visiting Ralph Lauren and Brooks Brothers - I desperately need more shirts in my closet, preferably shirts that do not require ironing before wear. 

Shirts are a staple in my closet, especially for work, primarily due to it's functionality and practicality. As I live in Malaysia which is perpetually summer, I like to dress to beat the heat which omits lots of stuff like  knits, sweaters, cardigans, blazers and coats. Combined the weather with a 20 minute walk from the train station to the office under the blazing, scorching heat of the unforgiving tropical sun, wearing anything other than cotton (and occasionally silk - if it has been raining) is not an option for me. My weekday uniform consists of shirts (in hues of blue and gray because wearing color on a weekday is tantamount to celebrating an occasion and work is definitely not something to cheer about) and pencil skirts with black or nude heels (and Birkenstocks, while in transit).  

Having said that, I only have 3 shirts that I wear on a weekly basis - everything else languishes at the back of my closet simply because the fit is unforgiving or it was something I bought on a whim, but does not really correspond to my style, which is to dress more like a boy and less like a girl. So no frills or pink for me; stripes are fine but not mandatory. I am not too fussed about collars - they can be stiff or soft. 

I am envious of girls with extensive wardrobes, they never have to repeat their clothes. Their wardrobes are like Doeraemon's pocket - bottomless! How these girls can afford to buy so many clothes is something I will never comprehend so let us not even go there. Nevertheless, tomorrow's shopping list includes:

• 2 cotton shirts 
• 1 streamlined work dress in gray
• 1 blouse in silk or viscose 

These may seem like pared down, basic items but I find that basic items are the absolute hardest to find. All the shops in town are bursting with trendy clothes that do not suit my lifestyle (peplum, sequins, studs, neon) and as much as I love to shop, I sometimes really hate the experience of not being able to find things that you love and will last a long time. 

why am i here?

There was a massive thunderstorm in KL on Friday at about 5.30pm, right about the time where office workers (slaves disguised in formal attire) leave their cubicles (prisons) for the weekend. I walked under the pouring rain, threatening skies and not once did I feel apprehension or fear. On the contrary, I felt liberated. As though all men are trully equal (and not just in theory), and none of us are exempt from nature's cruel ways.

Sometimes I wish the world would end already. I am tired of pretending to be hopeful, I am tired of trying but always failing, I am tired of injustice which exists in all forms, I am tired of misfortune, I am tired of chasing after the mythical pot of gold, I am tired of even purely existing.

There is no meaning, there never will be.

Tweet Meet...

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I have created the above to fuel my ADD tendencies and to update people who are interested on the latest happenings in my life (which is limited to eating, shopping and occasionally, reading).

my current favorite author

I am currently reading Tan Twan Eng's second novel The Garden of Evening Mists, which was short-listed for the Booker Prize and he continues to impress me with his evocative writings on colonial Malaysia. Based on the two novels that he has written, I sense that he truly understands Malaysian history and culture, which is rich, multi-faceted and often, complex, on a profound level that only a native possibly can. I have fallen off the reading bandwagon for a while now, having found no books that resonated deeply with me. Haruki Murakami who was previously my favorite author disappointed me with his last offering, IQ84 which was thick and massive in size, but surprisingly boring, unlike his other works (i.e. Kafka on The Shore, Sputnik Sweetheart, Norwegian Wood). I am glad Tan Twan Eng brought me back to reading books and I wish he would receive the attention and recognition that he highly deserves.

Apparently, the Managing Director for IMF, Christine Lagarde quoted him in her speech at the National Bank of Malaysia (Bank Negara), "Just as in Europe, our interconnected world calls for new approaches in this region too. As the young Malaysian novelist Tan Twan Eng put it, “Moments in time when the world is changing bring out the best and the worst in people”. May we always choose the best!" 

This is what I call by having it made. Having your words quoted by prominent, significant, important global leaders in the international stage. This to me marks true and enduring success. 

But of course, Malaysians are severely shallow and superficial. While we may know names like Deborah Henry, Michelle Yeoh or Marion Rose Caunter, our Malaysian authors go largely unnoticed and ignored, which is ironic, because they are probably more popular overseas than in their own birth nation. Which is just a big bag of shame. We revere, reward and celebrate beauty queens simply for winning the genetic lottery but an author who spends 1-2 years of his life writing in oblivion, gets merely a byline or if they are lucky, a half page article in the newspaper. 

Anyway, the author will be in Penang on 24 November 2012 and I am so tempted to make a trip up north if it isn't for a tiny nuisance called work. I would probably behave like a bumbling idiot if I ever do meet him but there are so many burning questions that I am just dying to ask him.  

buying shit I don't need

I spent my weekend like the rest of the girls in Klang Valley exercising my wallet in the new H & M outlet at Bukit Bintang. My boyfriend kicked up a storm when I spent 45 minutes selecting, trying on and buying clothes that I probably don't really need but want, anyway. Next time, I shall leave the boyfriend at home and go shopping on my own so that he doesn't nag me over my compulsive shopping habits. He has been trying to get me to invest, grow my money and generate passive income but that has not been successful thus far. I keep telling myself "I will get a part time job, I will get a part time job" but this has yet to happen. I blame it on my amazing ability to procrastinate and do nothing while silently wishing money will just magically appear on my lap. 

The thing about being female in today's beauty driven and image conscious society is the endless pressure to look good whatever the costs may be. It is not enough to be smart with a highly functioning brain (neither of which I possess but I digress), it is also expected that one has to be attractive. Looking good is not magic, nor does it come cheap, all girls will tell you that. This is the part that guys just cannot seem to comprehend. Somehow, they are on the mistaken assumption that all girls wake up looking naturally beautiful - now this is an utter fallacy. It requires effort, time and money (lots of money. Makeup and nice clothes do not cost next to nothing). Of course it helps tremendously if one inherits great genes (by way of a cellulite-free ass; lush, full breasts; slender, long legs; narrow waist and soft, long hair) but I would say 95% of the female population do not have genetics on their side. We are flawed, imperfect and most of us are far from the idealized version of female beauty. 

In our desire to attain physical beauty, we jog, run, swim to keep our bodies relatively fat free. We slap on make-up to cover blemishes in our scarred faces, we wear clothes that hide our flaws and go on expensive, extensive, invasive surgeries to change, alter and transform a physical part we deem to be "ugly". All in the glorious name of beauty, whose very concept is so abstract and subjective that there is no correct definition of what "beauty" should be.  

We emphasize so much on looking good that we often forget to nurture what's inside. I know I am definitely guilty of this. Sometimes I look at the clothes and things I have hoarded over the years and think to myself, these are just things. At the end of the day, these things are worthless (except gold of course that never loses it's glitter, shine and value). If anything, I am contributing even more to the decline of the environment (i.e. waste), helping unethical businesses thrive and indirectly supporting child labor. We all go to great lengths to achieve the unattainable standards of beauty, without thinking of the disastrous consequences or the impact our spending behavior has on others.   

Striving to become a responsible consumer has been on my "to do" list for a while now. It is hard not to buy stuff especially if you live in a concrete jungle that prides itself for being a shopping paradise. I guess I should try anyhow, to resist the temptation of walking around aimlessly in shopping malls and maybe do productive, life changing stuff (i.e. write a novel). Of course, the lure of fast fashion will always be there. There will be a part of me that will continuously desire something new/fashionable/trendy. But maybe if I buy clothes that are not merely trendy, but timeless and long lasting, I will be able to escape the evil trappings of consumerism. 

emo nemo

Life feels almost insurmountable at times, with it's endless challenges, persistent obstacles and especially the injustice that permeates the unfortunate souls who despite their best intentions, are never able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Life feels a lot less like a journey these days and more of a battle, like a prolonged, extended battle with no definite victory in sight. From a religious perspective, everything on earth is merely temporary, it is what's there in the after life that matters. I suppose that gives comfort to people and I wish it gives comfort to me, but it doesn't. I accept that life is meant to be difficult, that we are bound to suffer in great degrees for an indefinite amount of time, but it seems to me that certain people are exempted from this, by virtues of great fortune and luck. I guess what bothers me most is the injustice of nature - how flawed the whole premise is. 

I am too stupid and inarticulate to write about deep things, like philosophy, religion and the meaning of existence (if there even is a meaning for it). I honestly wonder if life is just a sequence of random, meaningless events and we are all merely victims (or victors) of circumstances.

Sunday musings...

Sunday is ending and Monday is looming upon us, once again. Sadness is an understatement, I am utterly inconsolable. I guess I should be looking at the bright side of life - what goes around, comes around therefore before I know it, the weekend will be here soon (of course after five agonizing days of waking up at 7am, hustling in and out of the hectic, polluted city looking wild eyed, feeling grouchy and angry). Such is the modern life, synonoymous with horrible traffic jams, long commutes, extended hours at work, disgusting, processed fast food and cellulite.

I woke up at 7.30am today to trek a jungle (okay, maybe less of a jungle and more of a park) in my valiant efforts to fight cellulite. I think cellulite is the repercussion of having a desk job whereby your ass is continuously glued on the chair for 10 hours daily. This is why I maintain that having a full time job not only erodes your soul, but leaves you with physical scars. Obesity and increased weight gain are side effects of having a full time job. Our bodies are weary from extensive sitting. I swear our ancestors from the stone ages did not have cellulite nor were they fat because they were constantly on their feet, running away from predators or hunting for food to ensure survival. How did humans evolve to this? From hard, menial labour, exhuasting our physical bodies under the sun to sitting in an artificially cold cubicle, dressed in our finest, doing monotonous paper work, pretending to be important and significant?

Anyway, I read Tan Twan Eng's Gift of Rain over the Merdeka weekend and it was trully engrossing. He paints Penang in a beautiful light with his skillful lyrical poetry, and he did justice to the history of the island during the insufferable Japanese occupation. I loved the complex relationships between the characters in the book and the description of colonial Penang depicted so accurately in the book.  How the British administration and it's people just fled, without any sense of responsibility towards their subjects and how the locals were abandoned to fight (and die) for themselves against an enemy they did not know. The documentary 1941: The Fall of Penang also showed this to be a fact, that our colonial masters did indeed flee.

Which is why Independence was so important to them, as it is important to us now. The locals no longer wanted to be oppressed under foreign rule, they wanted to be free. To create the fate of their own nation, without the inteference of foreign powers who only wanted to take advantage of our natural resources. We all know by now, how Malaysia was formed and the struggles that Tunku and his team endured to achieve the nation's collective dream. So here we are 55 years later, still developing, growing, progressing towards a brighter future we all hope to share. It is apt that I write this now, as the General Elections are set to take place in the next couple of months. May the powers that be rule our nation fairly and just and let them not be consumed by personal gain and greed, if only to preserve (and not corrupt) the memories of our forefathers who fought for the nation's freedom.