gong xi fa cai!

Wishing all my readers near and far a very happy and prosperous new year! May the year of the dragon bring you good health, great wealth, peace and happiness.

four seasons, langkawi

sunday musings...

I admire women who are in top management and good at what they do. We all know the work place is a war zone or a much exagerrated version of high school. There is plenty of back stabbing and politics involved and being merely a hard worker with proficient technical knowledge isn't sufficient to get you to the top. Achieving a role with power and authority requires social skills, a large network, the ability to be diplomatic and most importantly, allies that can help you get there. I've observed my female bosses in their natural element - they do not show one hint of emotion, are always on their feet anticipating their enemies' next moves, are extremely good with words (having extensive vocabulary and demostrate superior public speaking skills) and they possess the innate ability to manipulate people into believing they have their best interests' at heart.

I've often struggled with my relationships at work - with my colleagues especially. I work in a predominantly female environment so there is no lack of catfights, drama and estrogen running around. I try my best to detach myself away from the toxicity and negativity that surrounds the battle ground but in alienating myself, I have not had the opportunity to create successful alliances with anyone. And we all know, alliances are crucial to winning a war. They provide support and invaluable resources. Building friendships at work (or even in life) constantly remain a challenge to me - I simply do not have the patience to deal with people's inevitable personality flaws and quirks.

Now, through my years of working, I've realized that often the best reaction, when confronted with unreasonable requests and deadlines or inflicted with blame and injustice, is to not give one. Most employees (and employers) are adverse to conflicts so there are no benefits derived from flogging a dead horse. Best we can do in any given situation is to respond accordingly and simply move on. After all, there is no point winning the battle only to lose the war.

...Death is the essential condition of life

I have been thinking a lot about death lately. Not that I wish to start 2012 on such a sombre note but with age catching up on me, and also the people around me, maybe I should start taking our mortality a little more seriously. I used to think dying would be just like falling into a deep, peaceful slumber...only that it's for an infinite amount of time. It didn't used to scare me, in fact I accepted it as a natural progression from life. Lately however, I've been having different sentiments about death. I wish I can delay it or better yet, eliminate the inevitable completely, not so much as for myself but for the people I know and love.

I've only experienced death once. My paternal grandfather died 11 years ago and the whole ordeal was surreal. It was hard to coming to terms with losing someone you used to see every day. I remember someone telling me "Take one last look before we seal the coffin". The finality of that one single act is astonishing, it hits you once again that the person is gone from you, from this world forever. Even the lifeless body no longer contains the person you once knew, it's merely a shell, stripped bare from his or her soul.

I wonder how dying feels like. Painful, tormenting, what kind of emotions will pass, what our last thoughts will be. I don't think it will be entirely painless. Breathing is a natural instinct and when we die, we cease to breathe. Suffice to say, struggling to breathe will be no walk in the park. Much like drowning, gasping for air. Death goes against everything we have been accustomed to in this life. Breathing, surviving, living...Or maybe life and death are just two sides of the same coin.

I read this on my friend's Facebook wall once, that in creating life, we are also simultaneously creating death. The paradox of living, only to eventually die boggles my humble mind.

2012

Had to excuse myself from the celebrations in conjunction with the New Year. Am having a severe case of the blues hence the need to be solitary. I am definitely an official hermit.

My resolutions for 2012: -

1) Read. Easy books do not count.
2) Study.
3) Strive to achieve a sustainable wardrobe. Avoid flirty, full skirts - too girlish and makes you look extra feminine. Check the labels for the type of fabric. Do not buy on impulse. Money is better invested in property gold (jewellry). It can be displayed on your neck, wrist, fingers and the value still does not depreciate.  
4) Be vegetarian on the 15th day of the month as per the lunar calendar.
5) Donate blood at least once.
6) Find and pursue your passion. This is the something that has been eluding me most and continues to elude. I just can't seem to find an area of interest that I will both simultaneously enjoy and earn money. Whatever my passion is, I know it's not tax and I hope I find it soon.

I need a reason to wake up every day. Somewhere I look forward to going, doing something purposeful. Idleness and boredom are my old time friends and I need to dump them immediately.

Hope all of you have a prosperous 2012!