It has been a week since we last spoke, I think. I have not been counting the days and I don't dwell on it. Everything is pretty much the same; I take the train to work like normal, spend hours feeling trapped, monitored and observed at my desk (desk, not cubicle as there are no partitions), eat lunch which consists mostly of rice and vegetables, read a book on my way back from work (remember I told you earlier this year that I attempt to read 12 books in 2014? I have read 3 so far and it is still January!), do some laundry at home and spend some nights crying myself to sleep. Not all nights though, some nights are better than others. 

Yesterday, a parcel arrived for my friend and me at work. It was the fake Cartier rose gold bracelet we had bought last year for less than RM30 each. I wore it immediately and it was there on my left wrist, where I wear my watch, for the rest of the day. I met Elaine for dinner last night at this Korean restaurant near her office downtown and I thought, it would have been a place where I would have introduced to you. She paid the bill first, as I was down to my last RM100 and told her I'd pay her back later when my salary comes in (which should be either today or tomorrow). While I was in the LRT, on the way back from dinner, this lady next to me commented on my bracelet and asked "Is this Cartier?" I told her the truth - that I had bought it at Deal Mates for less than RM30. And then I thought of you again, for the second time that night. Because if I had told you the story as I usually would at the end of every work day, you would have teased me mercilessly on my misguided joy, when complimented. 

Today, I went to work (although it is a public holiday) and amazingly enough, I was productive although the building's air conditioned was turned off and it was excruciatingly humid and hot. I have a tax guide that is due for print clearance on the first week of February. The book is uninteresting, bland, unstructured and messy. I ate cheese and bread for dinner tonight, with a small bottle of grape flavored Vitagen. I wonder if you ever got around to downing 5 bottles of Vitagen, like you previously did. Maybe you should, if you haven't. 

I know this time apart is supposed to be reflective and contemplative. I am to spend the next couple of months thinking about our future together and whether or not I'd want to be a part of your life until the end of days. I will think about this, and I will do it seriously. I am just constantly distracted by all these other daily inconveniences. I am weary, G, I am weary of a world that I don't feel I belong in and of a society that does not truly accept me.