Nothing remarkable happened today. Which is better than having something unfortunate occur so I guess I should count my blessings. I took the train to work as usual and managed to read a short story from Yoko Ogawa's Revenge. Her stories are dark, menacing and disturbing but that is precisely the reason why I am so drawn to them. I think she understands the human psyche very well; that we as humans are capable of great cruelty more than we are of goodness. I have never been a ray of sunshine or a beacon of light, not even when we were together. I marveled constantly at your ability to be happy. 

I used to be such a happy teenager, so full of wonder, dreams and ideals. Over the years, I have become cynical, jaded and apathetic, to the point that I sometimes ignore elderly tourists when they ask for directions around the city. I am not proud to see the person I have become but life experiences and it's many tragic circumstances have left me broken, wounded, never to be whole. I wonder how it feels like to be a good person again. To perform a charitable act and not expect something in return. To give selflessly. To sacrifice for another person's greater good. 

Beatitudes. 

I had dinner alone today at 6-10 grill. The price of the lamb chop has increased by RM4 which brings it to RM23 now. How will the ordinary rakyat survive the next few years, with such drastic increase in our costs of living? 

I don't know if this is the right thing to do, writing details of my life down. I mean this is not a letters-to-an-ex-boyfriend tumblr. I guess I should take this as a good opportunity to start writing again, and I should not see this as a letter written specifically for a certain person, but more like a letter written and addressed to the abstract idea of a person. I miss having someone to talk to at the end of a day and a blog is a poor substitute because it cannot respond, or joke, or laugh or offer support, but at this point, it will have to suffice.