i find a fatal flaw in the logic of love

The truth was...I couldn't imagine a life without you in it. Yet the incomprehensible has become my present reality and I am amazed at how (relatively) easy it is to revert to existing without being with you. And then I wonder, if it is easy for me, then it must be a breeze in the park for you. Although I am constantly surrounded by places and objects that remind me of you, I refuse to acknowledge the loneliness and pain. I keep telling myself to be strong and go on. In saying that, I have successfully deluded myself into believing that I can go on living without you.

It's funny how the sun still shines and the clock still ticks, even when your own world has collapsed into shambles. Maybe life really does go on. Maybe in the near future, the memory of us will be just that, a kaleidoscope of moments and events that have past, are gone and will never be found again. Or maybe, better still, we'll create a future we never envisoned we could have.

innate ramblings

I went for a facial today and now, it looks like there are a handful of red spots on the left side of my forehead :(. Sighh....I am so envious of those girls with dewy, rosy, blemish free, glowing complexion. Why is the state of my skin deteriorating and what can I do to rectify this problem?

A few weeks ago, when the SEA games were still going on, one of the dispatch guys in my office told his colleague "Eh, you tak nampak ke...KW dalam televisyen?" KW refers to a national volleyball player who also happens to be my cubicle mate. I don't know why but I kind of found this exchange cute. Number one, the dispatch guy is in his 50s and number two, he is Malay and KW is Chinese. Moments like these convinces me that the spirit of 1 Malaysia is more than a propaganda instigated by the government, but rather something real and achievable.

in a perfect dream...

I have a severe case of the blues. I wish I had all the answers in life.

"Aku kan menghilang dalam gelap malam
Lepas ku melayang
Biarlah kubertanya pada bintang-bintang
Tentang arti kita."

-Peter Pan-

random stuff

sob sob...Monday is upon us once again. I hate Mondays with the passion of a burning suns. Starting your week with e-mails that read as follows:

1) Where are we on this?
2) What's the progress on this?
3) Why have we not done this?
4) I'm surprised this has not been done
5) I'm shocked this has been done

are not only depressing but also demotivating and crushes your very soul. She (the boss) is merely a user and an abuser. She loves to trick (con) her team into accepting opportunities that she deems is good for our careers but her intention is actually to make slaves out of us. Don't think I can't see through your conniving ways, bossie
:-)!

I bought a cobalt blue cardigan yesterday but the length almost reaches my knee. It resembles a bathrobe so maybe I'll wear it at home instead over sleep wear. When it comes to shopping, I have zero clue how to buy clothes or shoes that are sustainable. Everything wears and tears so easily thanks to clothing manufacturers that compromise on quality for the sake of reducing costs.  

I'm currently re-reading "One Day" by David Nicholls. I wonder if the movie is any good. Anne Hathaway grates on my nerves (only second to Natalie Portman). Maybe I'm unconsciously jealous of her boobies body. Into the Wild (Jon Krakauer) is also on my reading list but I can't seem to follow as it's just too sad. How does one turn his back from civilization, walk away and live a life devoid of material things? The mysteries of the human mind never ceases to amaze me.

On an unrelated note, Oh, to live the life of a lingerie model. Miranda Kerr and Doutzen Kroes, no one else makes motherhood as appealing and attractive as the two of you!

rawr!

I wore this to work yesterday - my pussy bow leopard print blouse which I purchased a couple of weeks back. It was well received by my colleagues; someone even commented that I looked like one of the partners in the firm which was a huge compliment (to me anyway) because she's got some style!

Tomorrow is casual Friday at work so I'll be wearing my skinnies and because the weather is cool these days I'll also throw in a navy blazer for good measure :-). Bring on the weekend, I wanna do some baking, make a card for one of my best friend's birthday in December and watch DVDs. For those who haven't seen it, please go watch Melancholia - if only for the opening and closing scenes. The final shots totally blew me away. A few nights ago, I could relate to how Kristen Dunst's character's felt before the planet collided with Earth - calm, serene and accepting of her fate. Tonight, not so much. As humans, our natural instinct is to survive and thrive, whatever challenges that may come our way.

the week in photos...

The places only life can take you to are often dark and dreary. However, the paradox lies in the fact that it is also undeniably magical and compelling, if you look hard and close enough.

cooking lunch!

Today being a public holiday with plenty of time to kill (actually not really, I am merely procrastinating on doing important things), I decided to undertake a seemingly impossible task (to me anyway) - cooking! Me and domestic duties do not jive well together, you know with me being a lazy, impatient cow (2 attributes which serve as stumbling blocks when attempting to be a domestic goddess). Anyway, this was what I made - fried salmon, lotus seed soup and brocolli with oyster sauce (not shown).

To my surprise, it didn't taste too bad, was more than just edible so clearly, I was doing something right. Hehe. This definitely serves as an encouragement for me to improve my culinary skills, so that in the future when I get hitched, my future hypothetical family wouldn't starve to death! ;-)

On a totally unrelated matter, my dragon lady of a boss made me an offer that I had already refused but being the egomanical, controlling freak that she is, she is insistent that I accept her proposal. I do not know how to decline and reject without offending. Tact and subtlety are skills I am obviously incompetent at.