I am such a wannabe. I wanna be Rumi Neely. If you haven't heard of her before, google her up please. She's only like the best fashion blogger ever and I want her life. But then again, I seem to want everyone else's life except my own. I discovered through FB that an ex flame has somehow magically gotten hitched. I sort of convinced myself that he would have spent all the time that we were apart pining for me. I was upset, envious (at his wife) and sulked for a while. Not because I particularly want to be with him, but in a strange, surreal kind of way, I felt that he chose her over me.
And rejection hurts, even at a metaphysical level. Sometimes I wonder if we ever trully get over our ex lovers. Or does a part of them remain in you forever? When you lose the person, do you lose a part of yourself as well? Before I fall asleep every night, I tend to play accidental scenes from childhood in my brain. I see friends I haven't spoken to in years. They appear in my head like a reel from an old movie. I am tempted to poke, message, call, e-mail but when the new day begins, I lose courage and tell myself to let sleeping dogs lie. I guess I no longer know what to say to them. Somewhere along the way, we have allowed ourselves to become complete strangers.
I mourn the memory of you, of us, of our past and shared history.
"Ships that pass in the night,
and speak each other in passing, only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the
darkness; So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another, only a look
and a voice, then darkness again and a silence".
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow-
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